Stream it now Lesbian Vampire Killers 2009

 

This is a hysterical, campy, and all together fun movie. A guy, Jimmy (Mathew Horne) who recently was broken up with, consults his friend, Fletch (James Corden) on how to get over it. Fletch suggests a trip, Fletch's version involves lots of girls, yet while Jimmy likes the idea of a trip, he decides they should go hiking instead. The two guys decide to go hiking and head off. While hiking they come upon a small town. A bar tender refers them to a cabin where they can spend the night. On their way to the cabin they meet a group of beautiful women headed to the same cabin. At the cabin they play music and dance (like anyone in a cabin in the woods would do). As the night unfolds it is revealed that they are in lesbian vampire infested woods. As the girls are taken and either killed or turned into vampires, it turns out that Jimmy is a descendant of a hero of the town, whose blood is needed to revive the lesbian vampire's leader. A Van Helsing like character called, Vicar, recruits Fletch to help him kill the lesbian vampires and save Jimmy. The film is full of campy death scenes and humorous dialog. This film is a fun ride that will have you in stitches.

I have to confess that I liked "Lesbian Vampire Killers" (I also have to confess that I watched it at midnight on SKY Movies after several beers). The plot is simple - James Corden & Matthew Horne (stars of BBC comedy 'Gavin and Stacey') are two losers who decide to holiday in a remote Norfolk hamlet which, unknown to them, are cursed by lesbian vampires. I agree that this horror parody could have been much better, and yes - it's yet another under-performing British film that relies on crudity masquerading as comedy. But although this IS a silly movie, I'm not sure it deserved the universal derision it received at its release.

I quite like the comedy of James Corden, and Mathew Horne is a pretty good comic actor as well. They are really great in the hit UK TV show "Gavin & Stacey". So I thought I'd give this one a go, it's got a couple of my favourite comic actors in it and there's a promise of Lesbian Vampires as well... How could anything go wrong? Well, it's not great news, not bad, but not great. More of that later, let's tell you a little about the plot first.

Back in the days of the Crusades, the little hamlet of Cragwitch was cursed by the Vampire Queen Camilla. She swore vengeance on the man who killed her, Baron Wolfgang MacLaren. All females of the village, on turning 18 will become Lesbian Vampires until the last in the Baron's line dies, at which point she will be reborn to wreak havoc on the land.

So, two guys, Fletch and Jimmy, both losers. Fletch lost his job and Jimmy just got dumped by his girlfriend. They can't afford the foreign holiday they both want and so, drunk, Jimmy suggests they go hiking. Throwing a dart at a map, it lands in the little village of Cragwitch (bet you never saw that one coming). They arrive just as a van full of beautiful young women is leaving from the local inn. They enter the inn and find out that the girls are staying at a local cottage, somewhere all visitors to the village are allowed to stay for free. The boys set off and meet the girls on the road where their van had mysteriously broken down. It turns out they are doing field research into the legend of the Vampire Queen Camilla. Arriving at the cottage, one by one the girls start to disappear, leaving only Lotte and the boys to fight. OK, that's the set-up, throw in a crazy vicar and I'll leave you to figure out what happens next. Oh, and by the way (bit of a spoiler here) one of the boys is the last descendant of the Baron (bet you didn't expect that either).

Now, I know it's a comedy, but I don't particularly find a bunch of people running around spooky woods at night particularly funny. Maybe in an Abbott & Costello movie, but I thought we'd moved on from those days. I will admit that quite a few of the one-liners from Fletch made me laugh, and I did find the performances of both James Corden as Fletch and Mathew Horne as Jimmy were pretty good, not that they had to stretch themselves much. Honourable mentions go to MyAnna Buring as Lotte and Paul McGann as the Vicar.

Over all it's a bit like a Hammer Horror stitched to a bawdy British Comedy that unfortunately didn't quite hit the mark. James Cordon and Matthew Horne were definitely the high points in this rather mediocre effort. Not great, but it has a few laughs, not very highly recommended.

My score: 5.2/10

One of the worst films I have ever seen about spoofs of shit. I thought "Scary Movie 4" was better than this. Hahaha. The worst movie ever.

A terrible attempt to recreate an old skool style B-movie. Cheesy, boring, bad script and humourless. 80 minutes of my life that I'll never get back.

After being more well-known as Smithy and Gavin in the award-winning comedy-drama series Gavin and Stacey, James Corden and Mathew Horne decide to hit the big screen with Lesbian Vampire Killers but should you judge the movie because of its title?

Many centuries ago, Baron McLaren killed the Vampire Queen Carmilla in a small, quiet village but before he beheaded her, Queen Carmilla laid a curse on the people living in the village and the family of the Baron, cursing that every woman would turn into a lesbian vampire on their eighteenth birthday. Back to the present, Jimmy (played by Mathew Horne) is dumped yet again by his girlfriend Judy and misses her. His best mate Fletch (James Corden) is also having a bad day as he was fired from his job as a clown after hitting an annoying child. So the two mates decide to get away from it all by camping somewhere even though they're broke. They decide where to camp wherever the dart lands on the map and the dart lands on- tada!- Cragwich, the cursed village. There, they meet four female students who are studying about the Vampire Queen and they all stay in a little cottage where Fletch believes he will get sex and beer and Jimmy will be with Lotte (one of the students he has a crush on). But the lesbian vampires surround the cottage and kidnap Jimmy and Lotte to try and revive Carmilla from the dead. With the help of Fletch and Reverend Vicar, they try to rescue the pair and find out why Jimmy and Lotte are needed to bring back the Vampire Queen.

Many men who watch this might find the title a little misleading as it isn't entirely about Lesbian Vampires and you won't see much girl-on-girl action but it's still not a bad comedy. It's promising in the first twenty to thirty minutes and then it gets boring sometimes. It kind of tries to be Shaun of the Dead in so many ways but fails as Shaun of the Dead is definitely better. The acting is very average and not so believable sometimes, the Lesbian Vampires are quite hot though so that would have the male vote. Corden and Horne are great together but don't expect brilliant acting quality from them as they're kind of the same as they are in Gavin and Stacey and funnily enough, their characters in this movie are like Gavin and Stacey. The story is kind of weak and isn't that strong at all, there are so many plot holes it's untrue but hey, what do you expect from this kind of movie? I bet that every teenage boy wished they had took part of making this movie in any way.

Score: 60%
Corden and Horne aren't exactly the best comedy duo but they're good enough in this movie. Beats Ant and Dec's movie but they're not exactly Pegg and Frost material just yet.

Hilarious but also tacky!!! Totally hilarious but at times it could look tacky yes there are loads of naked lesbian girls.

I suppose like any other guy whose eye was captured by this movie I was swindled in by the catchy title. Of course a film titled Lesbian Vampire Killers is going to spark a lot of interest, and in the case of this film more than it deserves. Once you get passed the title, Phil Claydon's comedy/horror romp offers nothing we haven't seen before nor a story or characters that are strong enough to keep you interested long after the film's 80+ minute run is over.

I'm sure there have been numerous comparisons to Shaun of the Dead already with this film, which doesn't surprise me. Both Jimmy (Mathew Horne) and Fletch (James Corden) share similarities to Shaun and Ed; one is a slacker with serious relationship problems, while the other is a dim-witted chunky fellow with little drive in life. But that is where the similarities cease, since unlike Shaun and Ed neither Jimmy or Fletch are very likable people/characters.

Some of their antics did garner a few chuckles from me, but nothing that is truly memorable. I suppose both Horne and Corden were intending to make their characters come off the way they do, but it was rather distracting to watch both of these men on screen. Neither of the characters felt like real people as much as they felt like cardboard cut-outs, flat and life-less. And there was no connection between the two of them and they didn't work well together as a pair.

Now if you're going to call your film Lesbian Vampire Killers there is a certain level of lesbian vampirism you should include. Now I'm not asking to go overboard or anything, and I don't want to sound like a pervert here. But aside from a few girl on girl kissing shots at the beginning, Lesbian Vampire Killers becomes more of just scantily clad women who happen to be vampires. And I'm surprised at the lack of nudity in this film as well.

There were some aspects to this film that I did like. One of the human girls, who was a complete idiot, only says the word "Yeah" through-out the film, which I found amusing. And I liked the comic-book way each scene would connect with each other by having "meanwhile" or something along that line plastered on screen once the scene changed. Right behind zombies, vampires are my second favorite movie monster. While this film isn't anywhere near Thirst (the best vampire movie of 2009) it still isn't as terrible as New Moon (still the worst vampire movie of 2009).

I thought it was good. Everyone is rating this film like its a serious horror film. I thought it was good because its like Shaun of the Dead ( a ridiculous story with random stupid things happening and that is what makes it great)

Like Shaun of The Dead with lesbian vampires. Whats not to like?